Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

[SMRcalidiv]

Ok Gents, I need some input. Tomorrow I am meeting the future in-laws for lunch to ask them for their blessing in marrying their daughter. My dilemma is in the paying for lunch. FWIW I have already made my peace with actual discussion part lol. Her parents are well off, but I am in a career job and can afford to pay without looking like a jack@$$ kid sucking up. I doubt her dad would let me grab the check if it came, so my idea was to arrive a little bit earlier and give them my card. I understand that if it was a big family event that her dad might feel insulted if I didn't let him pay, but I figure its a private thing with just him and his wife, and I am the one who asked them to lunch so I would feel weird having him pay. I am hoping they would appreciate the gesture, especially considering the other two sisters married complete douches who were mooches. Ok...your thoughts???

[Malo83]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

First, RELAX!!! you invited them so you foot the bill, everything will turn out fine, and keep your card in your wallet till it's time to pay

[SMRcalidiv]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

I'm not freaking out or anything, lol, but thanks. The thing is that I KNOW he would not let me pay if the bill makes it to the table, or it would get awkward. I hate the idea though of being the one who asked them and then having him pay.

[Malo83]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

If that's the case after you have ordered excuse yourself like your gonna visit the john and find your waiter and tell him/her to bring you the bill at the end of the meal

[Murr1525]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

You can also find your waiter on the way to a restroom if not early. Yeah, dont even have the bill brought to the table. Just give your card earlier.

[SMRcalidiv]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

Ok, so I think we're all in agreement that if I asked them to lunch that I can pay, and I can do so without offending him. I think I will just stick with my plan of getting there a couple minutes early and giving them my card beforehand, that way I won't have to go all 007 trying to sneak it to anyone. The restaurant is kinda open so I don't think there are any areas that aren't noticeable. I guess in the long run, if I'm paying, how and when I get my card to the waiter is all just semantics.

p.s. Thanks for your input, I realize it sounds like I'm just looking for someone to validate my idea, but I do appreciate it

[J. A. Michaels]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

I like your idea. Plan on arriving early and take care of things.

Congratulations and good luck.

[Bill Davidson]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

I like your idea of getting there early and giving your card. It shows that you had full intentions of paying right from the beginning and that you are responsible enough to plan in advance. If her father offers to pay, all you have to say is "it's already be taken care of, but thank you for the gesture".

Psychologically they are going to associate this with the way that you will treat their daughter and situations in the future.

[cnfowler]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

I don't see the problem in the waiter bringing the bill to the table and you trying to pay. If the future father-in-law absolutely won't let you pay, no harm no foul. This happens quite often with my in-laws. I always try to pay, but most of the time my father-in-law won't let me and he takes care of the bill. To me its not a big deal. Now if you never try to pay the bill and everyone at the table starts looking around like "who's gonna pay this thing", then that would be bad. But if you try and the in-law takes care of the bill, you're good to go.


Colin

[SMRcalidiv]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

Thanks fellas, I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

[MikeFord]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

Talk to the waiter, it won't be his first rodeo and he/she will know how to handle it.

[I Shine]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

I was once in your shoes and now we have children in their early 20's. You asked your in-laws to lunch so you should pay. If your future father in-law offers to pay stand your ground and politely tell him that you asked him to lunch so you shall pay.

He is looking to you to take care of his baby girl. So impress him with your confidence, independence, and sense of responsibility.

Good luck.

[SMRcalidiv]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

Well guys, everything went great. I got there a bit early and gave them my card. The restaurant handled everything smoothly and at the end of lunch they brought me the check to simply sign. Both her mom and dad seemed genuinely surprised and appreciative. Convo went well too and after lunch I went to pick up her ring. Proposal is coming on Wednesday...wish me luck.

[cnfowler]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

Glad to hear. Congrats!

Colin

[Sean Conrad]

Re: Paying for lunch with the (future?) in-laws???

Congrats and good luck! May you both be happy!