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WHO PAYS THE BILL?
In reply to your request to send a check, I wish to inform you that the present condition of my bank account makes it almost impossible.
My shattered financial conditions are due to federal laws, corporation laws, mothers-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, and outlaws.
Through these taxes I am compelled to pay a business tax, assessment tax, head tax, school tax, income tax, casket tax, food tax, furniture tax, sales tax, and excise tax. Even my brain is taxed.
I am required to get a business license, car license, hunting license, fishing license, truck and auto license, not to mention marriage and dog license. I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable of bringing into life; to women’s relief, unemployed relief, and gold digger’s relief—also to every hospital and charitable institution in the city, including the Red Cross, the Black Cross, the Purple Cross, and the Double Cross.
For my own safety, I am compelled to carry life insurance, liability insurance, burglary insurance, accident insurance, property insurance, business insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado insurance, unemployment insurance, old-age insurance, and fire insurance.
My own business is so governed that it is no easy matter for me to find out who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, dejected, and compelled until I prove an inexhaustible supply of money for every known need of the human race.
Simply because I refuse to donate something or other I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, held down, and robbed until I am almost ruined. I can tell you honestly that except for a miracle that happened I could not enclose this check. The wolf that comes to my door nowadays just had pups in my kitchen. I sold them, and here’s the money.
Would like more business to pay more taxes.
Sincerely Yours,
_______________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL NON PET OWNERS WHO VISIT & LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
1. They live here, you don't!
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets alot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To us, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
REMEMBER: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the lastest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And Finally...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
In reply to your request to send a check, I wish to inform you that the present condition of my bank account makes it almost impossible.
My shattered financial conditions are due to federal laws, corporation laws, mothers-in-law, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, and outlaws.
Through these taxes I am compelled to pay a business tax, assessment tax, head tax, school tax, income tax, casket tax, food tax, furniture tax, sales tax, and excise tax. Even my brain is taxed.
I am required to get a business license, car license, hunting license, fishing license, truck and auto license, not to mention marriage and dog license. I am also required to contribute to every society and organization which the genius of man is capable of bringing into life; to women’s relief, unemployed relief, and gold digger’s relief—also to every hospital and charitable institution in the city, including the Red Cross, the Black Cross, the Purple Cross, and the Double Cross.
For my own safety, I am compelled to carry life insurance, liability insurance, burglary insurance, accident insurance, property insurance, business insurance, earthquake insurance, tornado insurance, unemployment insurance, old-age insurance, and fire insurance.
My own business is so governed that it is no easy matter for me to find out who owns it. I am inspected, suspected, disrespected, rejected, dejected, and compelled until I prove an inexhaustible supply of money for every known need of the human race.
Simply because I refuse to donate something or other I am boycotted, talked about, lied about, held up, held down, and robbed until I am almost ruined. I can tell you honestly that except for a miracle that happened I could not enclose this check. The wolf that comes to my door nowadays just had pups in my kitchen. I sold them, and here’s the money.
Would like more business to pay more taxes.
Sincerely Yours,
_______________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL NON PET OWNERS WHO VISIT & LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
1. They live here, you don't!
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture).
3. I like my pets alot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To us, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
REMEMBER: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the lastest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And Finally...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
) in the trunk of your car and opened it an hour later......
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