It's like nothing else matters right now....

[Nick Chapman]

I'm 37 years old, and have been lucky enough not to experience death from any imediate family members. My grandmother died quite a few years ago, but I was young. I've been to 2 different funerals in my entire life, and neither was an emotional disaster for me.

My step mother, who is more like my real mother, basically raised me. She gave me a call yesterday and gave me some news that has left me in complete shock. Yesterday morning, at the Dr office, she was diagnosed with emphysema, lung cancer and Congestive heart failure all at the same time. The Dr didn't give her any other information as far as how advanced it is, or a time frame. But he did take her hand and start a prayer, which leaves me to believe that it doesn't look good.

At this point, I am in complete shock, and don't know how to handle this. Death is not something I am familiar with. One minute I just want to cry, then the next I just want to take control of the situation and pack her up out of that small town she lives in and move her down here to get the best care possible. Where she lives(Stillwater, OK), cancer care is not a high priority, and she would receive better care here in Dallas. Although, I know she wouldn't come. She would insist on staying in her small town, leaving her fate in physicians that are not specialized in this field.

Man, I just don't know what to do


BTW, this is not a prayer request thread. I think that is entirely overdone through many forums around the net. Guess I'm just more venting, and getting it off my chest. I really haven't spoken to anyone about this aside from my girlfriend. I just can't imagine my life without this woman being a part of it. I can't imagine not being able to pick up the phone and talk to her. She has always been there for me on everything, and always directed me in the right direction. Now I'm being faced with the reality that she will not be there in the future

[BlueZero]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

Sorry to hear the news Nick! Sometimes it just feels better to talk (or type) about stuff like this.

I've lost so many friends and family through the years. All I can do is think back to all the good times we had and be happy for that.

Sorry man, I don't have any advise or any answers but know I (we) are here for you!

[DogParkGuy]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

If I were you, I would try to spend as much time with her as possible. Get her to talk about her life. Consider recording her stories on video. It will mean alot to you and other family members in the future.

[KNJ]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

Nick,
I have been where you are, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and given three months. It was completely out of the blue. The only advice I have is to spend time with her now. Leave nothing unsaid. My mother was at peace with God and her situation near the end. That was a comfort to me. My father had a stroke and just passed last July. Although it may not seem like it, being able to talk to your step mother is a blessing. We didn't have that with my father.
If you ever need to talk pm or email me for my numbers I would be glad to talk with you since I have been through a similar situation.
I will be thinking of you and your family.

[Nick Chapman]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

If I were you, I would try to spend as much time with her as possible. Get her to talk about her life. Consider recording her stories on video. It will mean alot to you and other family members in the future.

Man, that would be awesome! But I can't even get her in front of a camera, I couldn't imagine a video camera

[CharlesW]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

It's a tough situation to be in and you have my sympathy.

If you can convince her to see a cancer specialist, it might just save her life. I know two people that were considered terminally ill with cancer and both recovered after being treated by people that were really familiar with what is needed and what can be done.
Certainly seeing a specialist doesn't guarantee anything, but it at least gives some opportunity for a course of treatment.

I'm surprised her personal physician didn't send her to a specialist.
The choice may have been hers.

[Nick Chapman]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

It's a tough situation to be in and you have my sympathy.

If you can convince her to see a cancer specialist, it might just save her life. I know two people that were considered terminally ill with cancer and both recovered after being treated by people that were really familiar with what is needed and what can be done.
Certainly seeing a specialist doesn't guarantee anything, but it at least gives some opportunity for a course of treatment.

I'm surprised her personal physician didn't send her to a specialist.
The choice may have been hers.

Yes, her physician has directed her to see a specialist. But we're talking about a small college town(OSU). I think the regular population(without the college) is around 40k. And the average income is about $25k per year. This isn't exactly a high profile city. "I" think she really needs to get out of there, and get down here to see someone.

[MrCLRider]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

I really don't know what to say in these situations, but what I do know is I would be torn down to know my mom could pass away soon. I do not know if I could write about my feelings to a bunch of people I do not know, I envy you for being so strong right now.

[ClearlyCoated]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

Nick - I'm sorry to hear of your situation. My father died 5 years ago from a rare aggressive strain of leukemia. We didn't know he had it until he was rushed to the hospital one evening with severe compression pain in his chest cavity. Two days later he was gone. In hindsight it was providential that he didn't have a protracted stay in the hospital which would have wiped out my parents' meager savings and left my mom without any resources. But it still hurt like heck to lose him so quickly and without having any preparation to say goodbye.

Upsell to your stepmom the importance of spending time together with you and your family, how she will be more comfortable with the support of loved ones, and how much it will help all of you to deal with her situation by having her there. Your stepmom sounds like a giving woman and she will likely want to help her loved ones deal with her illness rather than placing herself first. The specialists and treatment she will receive in Dallas can then just be an important secondary consideration.

[Nick Chapman]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

I really don't know what to say in these situations, but what I do know is I would be torn down to know my mom could pass away soon. I do not know if I could write about my feelings to a bunch of people I do not know, I envy you for being so strong right now.

I am not a strong person, especially when it comes to things like this. And you guys are not a bunch of strangers, I feel like I know some of you better than people that are here in my town.

[Underdawg736]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

Nick, I'm sorry to hear about the bad news.

Did they give her a time frame?
I deal with alot of ill people, I've lost count as to how many people I've came across that said the doctor gave me 3...6...9....12 months to live and years later they're still alive and kicking.
I'm sure Dallas has some top notch medical facilities as it's a top notch city!
When I was stationed in Ft Hood there was a HUGE hospital in Temple called Scott & White Memoral, I do believe it's one of the top hospitals in the country, you might want to check them if there's nothing in your neck of the woods.
The main thing is to start her treatment as soon as possible, lung cancer is really tough and has a nasty habit of spreading to other parts of the body.
Does she smoke? if so she needs to quit....it'll only make things worse and if they placed her on oxygen you'll definately don't want her smoking around pure o2 as it will cause a fire and do more harm.
Most improtantly is to have her as comfortable as possible. I know how the summers are down there and they do no good for people with emphysema (my grandmother has emphysema).

Also as alot of folks said already, family support is key to her comfort. It'll make her feel better and she'll (hopefully) fell like she is not on this road alone!!

I hope this info helps you out a bit and your family is in my thoughts.

[yalerd]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

I'm sorry to hear about this Nick.
Just try to be with her, even though she won't see a specialist, maybe fly her to Dallas so you guys could be together and spend some time. Make every second count buddy.

I've lost all my grandparents to cancer and I now I've made every second count with them

[Nick Chapman]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

What's really tough for me is that I talk to her every single day. Her and my father live about 5 hours away, but we stay in contact as much as possible. I talk to her a heck of a lot more than I do my own father. Her and I are on the phone every single day. When I get finished with a job and on my way home, my routine is to call her while I'm driving. Usually about nothing important, just chit chat. I just can't imagine not being able to make that call everyday

[john m.]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

Nick, Im so sorry to hear this. I cant imagine how you feel! Hopefully it really isnt to bad, a little over a year ago my dad got prostate cancer and him being the only male on his side of the family to live past 50 I wasnt sure what was going to happen. He had already had some bad things happen before, but finally we found out that it was early enough to remove everything with one surgery. Im hoping that they will find that it is treatable and she will be okay.

I know you said this isnt a prayer thread and you are venting, but im putting good thoughts your way! I know I cant help but if there is some strange situation where I can let me know and I would be glad to.

[zeegs]

Re: It's like nothing else matters right now....

I sympathize with you, I'm on my way to Florida this weekend where my mom is getting worse by the day. It's terribly hard especially when they are so far away, it's shocking to see when you only get to visit a few times a year. My sisters and I have to deal from 1000 miles away. Speak to her a frequently as possible these memories will last you and yours a lifetime.

My thoughts are with you.