Need some kids help/advice...

[Nick Chapman]

I am still new to this "kid" thing. I do not have any of my own, but my girfriend has a little girl. We have been to gether since she was 3 years old(little girl, not the G/F ), and she's getting ready to turn 7 years old.

The little girl has a best friend that is a boy. He is 7 years old, and live right next door to us. He practically lives at our house, and we can not sepperate them from each other. If they are not in school or asleep, then they are together.

My problem:
They have admitted to us that they have been playing doctor
He's the doctor, and she's giving birth.

Now, as far as I know, no clothes have been removed, and one has not touched the other.

What do I do? Sepperate them? Try and supervise their visits together? <---this will be hard since he's over so much.

I'm at a loss here guys. The G/F doesn't see this as a huge problem. But for some reason I do. Am I over reacting? Should I buy a gun and a shovel?

Thanks in advance!
Nick

[TXShine]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

First off, you and your girlfriend not seeing this with the same set of eyes is where this is going to get sticky. You and her both need to agree on whatever decisions need to be made.

If it were me... I would cut down on the time they spend together as well as a little better supervision. To enforce that properly you will need the support of everyone involved, your girlfriend and the boys parents.

This is were you need to start IMHO.....

And FWIW, I don’t think your over reacting, it sounds like their time together is a little excessive.

[mwpannell]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Don't buy the gun and shovel! But do start shopping around!

Really, there's playing doctor and then there's playing doctor. There are a lot of question here that would change the complexion of the whole thing. No touching, no clothes off? That's a good sign, they may just be playing doctor--have the subject of births come up lately? Is there a reason they would be thinking this? What have they been watching? It's a little strange that this would be out-of-the-blue unless there might be more going on.

Don't freak out, but stay real tuned in. Talk to them about how some aspects of "doctoring" would not be appropriate or OK. But if they seem really clueless, then ease up but stay aware.

If you find there is more to the story, then you've got to deal with it however you guys deal with things. (Legally! )

With kids, a lot has to be left to a more "Supreme" oversight, but we have responsibilities to be good adults for them.

Of course, not knowing the kids, the situation, all this advise is fairly useless and just me rambling, but hope it is a little helpful for what it's worth. From an old guy, father or four.

[Nappers]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

For one thing, don't bring the government into this (like a concerned phone call to a counselor, the kid will be arrested, you'll lose the girl and CPS will be all over it). Worst case..... seen it. I hated child cases working as a Bailiff.

I would find out if they are dressed while playing doctor. like ask "How do you have a baby with clothes on silly head. Hope the answer is "we don't take off our clothes".

I would then encourage other type of boy/girl playing. Like.....take them fishing, do you have a video game console of some type? play video games. basketball, games, cards, Uno. Baseball (play some catch)

Our youngest had a good friend that was a boy, but she was a tom boy (he moved and goes to a different school in our area). Heck she plays air soft, for a while. She is just now wanting to wear girl clothes.

Back to your dillemna, in law enforcement, you can see a development of curiousity that a boy has with girls and although, usually a harmless curiousness, it could lead to touching then becomes more aggressive. Worst case scenario. It seems innocent, but you know how boys/men are. You have a right to be concerned.

On the other hand, they are just playing doctor, learned about babies from another source (unless you guys gave her the talk?) and/or saw something on TV about child birth, or found a book on childbirth if you guys are trying to have a baby or found one of your GF's books.....whatever

Its really hard to say. I would be concerned, encourage some other type of playing. Don't let them close the door to their room and keep an eye on them. if they get quiet, swing by, all you have to say is it got quiet and was making sure you guys were okay. Riding bikes is good.

If they ask why they can't play doctor or sense you don't like it. I would tell them that having a baby is a serious thing and a very private thing as an adult and it's not really good for a child to pretend to have a baby as it is very bad for a child to have a baby, only adults should have babies (in case they know of a teenager that had a kid), they are way smarter then we think and they soak everything around them. I call our kids Sponge Bob and we talk about sensitive things in our room or boot them out.

Hope that helps.

Aaron

[Nick Chapman]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Yes, their time together is a little excessive. But the mother(G/F) doesn't want to deprive her little girl of a childhood friend. I don't like butting heads with her, as this is HER child. We do live together, and we do share the parent role. But she is very strong on this subject.

[Nick Chapman]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Great advice guys!

[TXShine]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

I understand completely, and I can not tell you any of what your experiencing or going to experience is going to be easy. One thing is for sure, if you want to be a good parent, it takes a lot of extremely hard work and patience. There will certainly be very hard times but, the reward can be unmatched by anything else.

I know the situation your in and I believe if you are fair and compromising you’ll be fine. You just have to talk through these things and explain how you feel (oh boy, did I say that).

Sometimes feathers are going to get ruffled in these situations but, she needs to understand that the role she is expecting you to play needs her backing and respect. One thing that never needs to happen is a child seeing that the people in charge are not agreeing. Make sure these discussions are in complete privacy. As Nappers said, they soak up everything.

[SVT Lightning]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Yes, their time together is a little excessive. But the mother(G/F) doesn't want to deprive her little girl of a childhood friend. I don't like butting heads with her, as this is HER child. We do live together, and we do share the parent role. But she is very strong on this subject.

I have to agree with the G/F. Might be a good idea to have a talk with the boys folks....just to clue them in. I think as long as you haven't observed anything inappropriate going on, nothing to worry about. Time for the birds and bees talk I'm thinking.

[Nick Chapman]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Time for the birds and bees talk I'm thinking.

Ohhhh boy! I don't think I'm ready for that one! She's 6!!!!!

[cnfowler]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Nick, I agree with you. 6 is too young for that talk. They are old enough to somewhat know what is going on so I think the first course of action should be sitting her down and talking to her. Find out all the details of their "doctor" time and if need be explain that certain touching is inappropriate. If you feel you need to, give the other parents a call and fill them in on the details you got from your G/F's daughter. Let them have the talk with their son - I don't believe it's your place to talk about this subject with the other child.

Remember, kids are curious creatures. Playing "doctor" is normal behavior that nearly ever kid will go through early in their childhood. You just need to explain the limits of their playing.

Everything begins with communication. Good luck.

Colin

[Jeepster04]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

I didnt even know where a baby came from when I was that age. Do they actually know where it comes from(physically). I would just watch them as much as possible and go from there.

And yes 6 is WAYYYY to young for that. Im 22 and I wish I didnt know half of the stuff I know.... Ill just say that 99% of my friends are huge perves so Ive heard/seen it all..

[Nick Chapman]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

Thanks for all the advice guys. I really appreciate it! Really I do!
Being so new to this, I really have no idea what I'm doing, and no training besides going back on my childhood and remembering how I was raised(very strictly!)

Thank you guys so much!

Nick

[Nick Chapman]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

BTW, going to talk with her tonight........wish me luck

[premier.mobile1]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

$0.02 from a father of 4.

First off, I don't think that separating the children is a good idea at all especially if this is the extent of your worrys with the two of them. These are CHILDREN we are talking about, and they learn from their parents and those who are around them on a regular basis what is right from wrong. Unfortunately some of what our kids learn comes from things that are seen on TV. The first question that came to my mind was where/who did they learn about giving birth from and in what context was that presented to them. My second thought was why there was no mention of the boys parents? Do you two know them? Are you close to his parents and are you aware of their methods and morals in raising children and do you agree with them? I hope I am not sounding critical, but there are lots of factors that could play in to how this should be dealt with, or even if it needs to be "dealt with" at all. This could in fact be one of those harmelss things that children are known for. But on the other hand, unless the children, both of them, have been properly instructed on limitations concerning areas that are private to themselves, it could have easily crossed the line with no ill intent. I think that this is a prime opportunity to educate at least your daughter where that line should be, and not in a negative aspect. Make it positive for the child and at the same time try not to put so much emphasis on the "event" that it would wind up permenantly etching an akward or even a bad moment into their memory. At 7 it would be dificult for me to believe that any wrong doing was intentional in the least. The intent may have been there, but if the action was an improper action it is, in my opinion, due mostly to lack of educating the child. But properly educating our children in a positive manner will help them to avoid situations that could wind up unpleasant to say the least.

So to sum it up, create guidelines and limitations for your child's personal space in a manner that makes it important to them and they will then be reluctant to "share" that out of curiosity, and explain their place in respecting the personal space of others. Don't fall into a fear that your child is doing wrong and prematurly steal their innocence from them. Educate them and they will make good choices.

I hope this is helpful.

[TRUCK_DETAILER]

Re: Need some kids help/advice...

I am a mother of 4. Two girls (they are oldest) and two boys. When they are role playing, (doctor-house-restaurant-beauty shop-ect.) GET INVOLVED! Play with them.

Encourage her to ask questions about everything, this makes the hard questions easier.

What if the sky fell?
What if everybody started words with a "s"? Sat sould se so silly!
Do storks really bring babies?
What would our dog/cat say if it could talk?
Do you think they'll make cars kids can drive?
How old do you have to be to get married? (My 11yr old thinks the answer to this is 25! ;-} )

You get my drift as she gets older, the answers get more complex. Just make sure she ALWAYS knows she can talk to EITHER one of you!!

As for you and your G/F yall need to sit down and have a long talk. . . IN PRIVATE.

Hope this helps!! If you have any questions send me a message.

~Shilo~