Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

[pcfxer]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

A scientist, a mathematician and an engineer were all asked to find how much rum was in a given glass.

The scientist began determining it's percentage full. The mathematician measured the glasse's diameter and calculated the volume. The engineer takes the glass and drinks the rum and asks, "What's the problem?"

[BlueZero]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."



UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO

To the optimist, the gla ss is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.



UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fr ies with that?"



UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.



UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING
you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[Manly Man]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

One of my favorite engineer jokes:

A group of engineers and a group of accountants are traveling by train to attend conventions in another city. The accountants notice that the engineers only purchased one individual ticket for the group. One accountant asks the engineers how they plan to travel with only one ticket. The engineers reply, "Watch and learn."

The engineers board the train, and all cram into a bathroom. When the conductor comes around asking for tickets, he knocks on the bathroom door and announces "Ticket please." The bathroom door opens a crack, the ticket is squeezed out, and the conductor takes the ticket, and walks away. The accountants are amazed at the engineers' ingenuity, and decide that they will try the same trick on the way back.

On the day of the return trip, the accountants purchase their one ticket, but notice that the same group of engineers are boarding the train without purchasing a ticket. One accountant asks the engineers how they plan to travel without a ticket, and once again receive the reply "Watch and learn."

So the engineers all cram into one bathroom, and the accountants all cram into another bathroom. After the train is under way, one of the engineers sneaks out of the engineers' bathroom, goes over to the accountants' bathroom, knocks on the door, and announces "Ticket please."

[pcfxer]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

That is my fav too!

[the other pc]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

Anybody who enjoys this thread should check out "White And Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic at ifilm.com.


PC.

[rkmah]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

There are only 10 types of people, those who know binary and those who do not.

[SL1CK]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

Anybody who enjoys this thread should check out "White And Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic at ifilm.com.


PC.

So funny!!

"I do calculus just for fun....I edit wikipedia....make a webpage for my dog"

[pcfxer]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

At school we watched it. "we"=bunch of engineering students. Though, we're still debating at the equation on the white board in the back ground. I'm pretty sure it's the universal wave equation. Man, we're so white....and NERDY!

[rammsteinmatt]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

"... you’ve ever gotten in an argument over 0.5mm vs. 0.7mm pencil leads.

... you even know that there are 0.5mm and 0.7mm pencil leads."

theres actually 0.3 mm and 0.9 mm too, and yes. the argument was longer than it should have been. as you see .5 gives a more prescise line, but it breaks more easy. and if a little piece gets jammed in the tip, 0.5 breaks easier trying to get it out.

fourier series? yea i know those, but i dont know how that related to the discussion

[rammsteinmatt]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

At school we watched it. "we"=bunch of engineering students. Though, we're still debating at the equation on the white board in the back ground. I'm pretty sure it's the universal wave equation. Man, we're so white....and NERDY!

omg, i did the same thing.

i was like, "laplacian........ugh..."

whats the mu for in the wave eqn? im guessing its more a fluid dynamics eqn, as the mu would be viscosity, the h pertaining to hydrostatic pressure, but the psi - no idea, maybe you're right.

[BlueZero]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

I even have 0.5mm in red and blue too.

[rkmah]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

omg, i did the same thing.

i was like, "laplacian........ugh..."

whats the mu for in the wave eqn? im guessing its more a fluid dynamics eqn, as the mu would be viscosity, the h pertaining to hydrostatic pressure, but the psi - no idea, maybe you're right.

It's Schrodinger Eq. You see it in undergrad physics and EEs see this when we take semi-conductor material lectures.

[pcfxer]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

Yes, Schrodinger eh? I guess we both lose, but I definitely got the wave equation to look very similar to it...I had to use a lot of complex triginometric identities, but I got it to come close. Since m=mu and V=partial^2/partial(x)^2 annnnd v(x)=-(e)^2/r this from is totally about electron, so touche monsieur!

LOL and by the way, if you have any sort of argument about the video and such, you are unofficially "nerdy"-= Engineer, physicist, etc.

[BlueZero]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

I got a few more...

How to determine if you are an engineer:

The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH)

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.

Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room

In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure

The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.

You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday

You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines

You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects

You have Dilbert comics/paphanelia displayed anywhere in your work area

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have more friends on the internet than in real life

You have backed up your hard drive

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.

You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

You know what http:// stands for

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

You see a good design and still have to change it

You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring

You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)

You window shop at Radio Shack

You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite

Your checkbook always balances

Your laptop computer costs more than your car

Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium

You've already calculated how much you make per second

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio

Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate

[pcfxer]

Re: Engineering Jokes: Come on, come all!

BlueZero, your list of jokes gets eerily close to my truth!! Uh oh!