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I personally can't stand most of them but found this one to be funny!
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As another year will shortly be a memory, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me"forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15 times to get to the actual message, as well as the ones where I have to scan through fivethousand of these great little symbols >>>>>>> to get to the text.
Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes 'cause now I have to get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. I also scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer receive packages from (or send packages by) UPS or Fedex,since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who won't put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use deodorant because it causes cancer (even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day).
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.
I no longer eat at KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus because now I have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels watching over me!
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. (LOL)
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
HA!
___________________________________________________
As another year will shortly be a memory, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me"forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks for the ones that I have to open 15 times to get to the actual message, as well as the ones where I have to scan through fivethousand of these great little symbols >>>>>>> to get to the text.
Special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the glue on envelopes 'cause now I have to get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. I also scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer receive packages from (or send packages by) UPS or Fedex,since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who won't put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use deodorant because it causes cancer (even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day).
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.
I no longer eat at KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus because now I have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels watching over me!
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program. (LOL)
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will
now return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of mine's next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
HA!
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